Funny Stories (3)

Hey guys, it’s been a while since I’ve done a blog and especially a funny stories one. As you probably know, my job comes with a lot of quirks and I love telling all the weird and wonderful stories. Here are a couple of funny/weird/strange stories from over the years. Also, I just did a photoshoot so I’ll be embedding some of my new pics in this post because I’m super happy to share them, so why not?

Total Eclipse

This happened during my first few weeks of working as a private escort. The client was a regular of mine- a tall asian man, about 45 years old and would take me to (what I later discovered was) his in-laws house of whom he was supposed to be housesitting for while they were overseas. I have already written a blog about this guy, in case this part of the story sounds familiar. But there was a particular incident that happened which I didn’t mention in that blog.

This was our very first meet. I arrived at the in-law’s place and he greeted me at the door, brought me inside and we had a drink or two while we settled into light conversation. He had only just got back from work as I’d arrived, so he excused himself while he freshened up in the shower. As I waited patiently in the living room, I noticed he has left a packet of eclipse mints on the table. Of course- if you see a packet of mints, it’s an obligation to take one. Obviously. I opened up the lid and threw a mint into my mouth. But as the mint dissolved on my tongue, I was immediately repulsed by the taste and quickly swallowed it down. It was bitter and chalky- I guess the were just old or expired. The client was very stingy after all so it wouldn’t have surprised me.

As the client came out of the shower, he sat down and reached for his mints, opening them up. He paused for a moment and seemed a bit perplexed. I know he was stingy but surely he’s not going to get at me for taking one single mint, but I fessed up. I also mentioned that they were probably expired and didn’t even taste that good.

He replied “No no no! I didn’t want to tell you this, but I had a viagra in here and it’s gone”

Both of our faces went white.
“Uh, I guess that explains the bad taste”

I had taken the viagra!!!

As you can imagine, I was freaking out. I had no idea what viagra was going to do to me: a woman? A clitorial erection? I think I found the situation funnier than he did, as we proceeded to attempt some very ‘flaccid’ sex. From that day on, I always ask before helping myself to a stranger’s mint.

Two Men One Sponge

As I am sure you’re all aware, I am a lady (I can’t help but hear that in the Little Britain voice). One of the dilemmas about being a lady is there is a week of every month where I’m down for maintenance, if you catch my drift. Obviously, taking a week’s leave every month isn’t viable so there is a nifty invention called the menstrual sponge. It’s basically- a sponge- which you put up your clacker and allows you to continue business as usual- you wouldn’t even know its there. The only drawback is there is no string to pull it down, so you usually have to go digging with your fingers and with a bit of prying, you can usually dig it out.

Occasionally, they do get stuck especially if the guy is on the larger side. I know that sounds stressful, and the first couple of times it happened it was very much so. But you just book a GP appointment and they open it up with a speculum and pull it out. It’s happened a number of times over the years now that it’s almost become a routine process and honestly not much of a big deal anymore. I’m usually in and out in 10 minutes and I think the GP makes more money because it’s a ‘procedure’ so it’s happy days for everyone.
While I am more calm about these things happening, I still want to get it out within 12 hours- before infection can occur. So, I usually try to book the first available appointment with any GP in my area. This one time when I had a stuck sponge, I booked the first available GP at my local practice. The GP was a male, and it wasn’t until I got there that I was told that he needed a female chaperone (a nurse or doctor) to observe, I assume for insurance against sexual assault claims. I hadn’t really thought about this at the time of booking, because to be frank- there’s nothing sexy about prying a blood soaked sponge out of my clunge. Nonetheless, I understand its protocol so I happily allowed him to do what he needed for the procedure to happen. He left the room and went looking for an available chaperone but nobody was available except for another male doctor, which is obviously not preferable but still good enough. Now, being an escort- there isn’t much that phases me these days but I will say- having not one but two men gawking around down there, trying to find the sponge was something I had never experienced. I suppose this was my first ‘two man’ threesome? Also I found it amusing that they were both at the ‘tail end’, when you’d think being a chaperone, being at my head end would have been fine. One of the doctors pried me open with the speculum and the other guy was just awkwardly looking up my V-JAYJAY, looking for the sponge. Eventually they found it and pulled it out. And at least I know that in future, always book a female doctor!

Projectile

This is a very recent story from about 6 months ago where I did my first two male threesome (for real this time, not in a GP clinic). Or perhaps the above story inspired me? I’m only joking.

I have done a couple of doubles over the years with another female escort but something I had never tried was the same thing with two guys. To make the situation feel safer and more controlled, my client (I’ll call G) booked another male escort from Scarlet Blue, who I’ll call J.

The session was a lot of fun and honestly, I did love the attention from two guys. I was probably having more fun than my client who was paying for the damn session- and I definitely see why men book double sessions with two ladies!

Anyway, after a heated session, we ended it with me on the floor with J standing above me, ready to finish on my face/mouth. G was kneeling down behind me, holding the back of my head with his hands and thrusting my mouth against J. As J started to finish, I leaned back to it could land on my face rather than my mouth (better visuals) but instead of the cum hitting my face it flew straight past me and I hear G scream ‘uhhhh’. It had hit G instead of myself! I should also mention that J and G are both very much heterosexual! Not only that, but G had run to the bathroom and start gargling. J and I looked at each other and started balling with laughter and G came out of the bathroom and said ‘I guess this makes me gay?’ J hadn’t just cum on G but rather, than cum in his mouth! I mean, you have to applaud J’s aim and power? Next time, we will have to make sure that G is out of the line of fire before the finale.